Good points:
*Lyrics are actually pretty nice.
*Music is well-done, no instances of potentially unintended dissonance.
*Quite hooky, catchy. With some revisions, this could be a marketable song.
Possible things to consider:
*The entire piece sounds pretty close to the same. Not much really changes between the chorus, verses, and sabi. Some changes to this would give the song a touch more proffessionalism. (I'm pretty guilty of the same thing... -_-)
*It's Eurobeat... enough. I suggest, however, using the rave stabs or the strikes on the upbeat (the "AND" of the beat's "one AND two AND three AND four AND"), and some open hi-hat on the same, would enhance the overall Eurobeat "feel" of it. Also consider getting some background singers to do what I call the "Disney" effect (basically, when I first heard the background singers for Hi-NRG attack, I was reminded of Lock, Shock and Barrell from Nightmare Before Christmas... hence the name), which, if done right, would MULTIPLY the Eurobeat effect. Then again, this facet is totally up to you, and it wouldn't be a "bad" song if you left it as is.
*I don't mean to be harsh, but I'm sure that you could lay down a better vocal track if you took some time, recorded it piece by piece, and picked out the best chunks. While you do hit the notes, some of them are "weaker" in spots than others. I'd be interested to hear how you sing without the cocktails
It's a solid track, without question. There's just a kink or two to work out. Keep up the good work. Your characters would be proud. :3
